More than a month has passed since Patrick Swayze died and this is the first time his wife spoke publicly. Lisa Niemi, Patrick’s wife of 34 years, became a guest on Oprah and talked about their problems that never became public. She said that in 2003, they separated for a year because of his drinking problem and “very dark thoughts”. She didn’t want to see him suffer so she just left him. But they reconciled after that and became happy again until his pancreatic cancer was discovered almost two years ago.

The couple never talked about death because they were “too positive” to do so. In his final days, Patrick relied heavily on pain medication to ease his discomfort, and wasn’t usually aware of Lisa’s presence. On September 14, 2009, Swayze finally died at the age of 57.

When Patrick starred in the movie Ghost, Lisa thought she wouldn’t want to see visions, unlike Demi Moore’s character there. But now, that perspective has changed. She would say, “Please show yourself. I would love to see you.”

After his death, Lisa’s been trying very hard to hang in there. She wants to prove to herself and others that her husband’s belief in her courage was correct.